So it's been a while I made a text post. It wasn't because I didn't know what to tell. I've been feeling very unwell for 4 weeks now and there were all kinds of pains over my body that I couldn't explain. This in return started to scare me incredibly much. In return my mood to type a post just absolutely vanished.

I'm the type of person who immediately thinks of worst case scenario. I was connecting this pain to potential heart problems. This led me to become more stressed and anxious about everything. I did sleep for about a 7/8 hours a day, but I feel tired everyday. Yesterday I panicked. I rarely panick, but yesterday was just too much for me and I panicked a lot. I called my mom, crying, asking if I can come home. I went back to my mom's home at 12am (mind that she lives one hour away from me by train). I went to the doctor today and she reassured me that it's not my heart. She properly checked and all, so it did reassure me a bit. So we talked and I cried again.. I guess all this anxiety, fear and stress was just too much for me to handle. These pains are most certainly caused by being so scared, so stressed and anxious. I need to find ways to calm myself down and distract myself from my thoughts. I will also receive counselling starting the 24th of February. She asked if I wanted that and I actually said yes. I know I have a hard time distracting myself from my stress, fears and anxiety, so the offer to receive help was something I definitely welcomed. She is going to help me find the source of my stress, fear and anxiety. After that she's going to help me find ways to become more calm and all. I hope it'll work. After that I decided to go back to school instead of staying home. I wanted to stay home, but I love hanging out with my classmates and I don't want to miss classes. This also causes some distraction for me, because I'm not thinking about the bad things. I noticed that, whenever I'm with people and at school, I don't pay that much attention to my pains and I don't really feel that much.

Now stress. I know where it comes from. It's not even that difficult for me to think of. It's school. I'm scared I'm going to fail the exams, I'm scared I won't be able to finish assignments by the end of this period (which is this week),  I'm scared that I'm not going to pass this school year again. There is no reason for it actually, but I just stress about those things so much. Probably because I really want to pass this school year. My anxiety. Maybe because I'm scared to fail? Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I don't really know. My fear is caused by worrying the pains I have. I keep thinking about it and it becomes worse and I become more scared and it kind of creates this cycle that increases my fear.

So yeah. That's kind of my situation now. I finished one of the most difficult assignments so that's quite the relief. Knowing that my heart is entirely healthy, beating correctly and everything is very reassuring. I think I actually might feel rested tomorrow after sleeping. I really need it. So today I woke up late as usual, somewhere around 11 AM. I am glad that school starts again, because I need my daily rhythm. So today I decided to spend my Sunday different than usual. I looked outside and it was quite sunny, so I decided to go out and walk. I want to be more fit, so daily walks are a good idea.

So I have decided to do a very typical thing at the beginning of the year. My favourites from 2013! So let us begin with the list.

Movies

• The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)
  This movie was absolutely magnificent and definitely my top favourite of this year. The sequel to the first movie (and book of course). This is, by far, my most favourite part so far. I personally think it is a lot better than the first movie as well. It is intense, it is filled with feels, I cried, the scenery looked amazing, the characters are great, I did not really know what to expect (as I have not read the books). I watched this with 4 of my friends, so it made this movie experience great as well. There is so much more to say about this movie, but I will just name it the movie of the year (for me)!
• Inception (2010)
  This movie is already 3/4 years old, but I had not seen it yet. I did watch it in 2013 with three of my friends. This movie is absolutely excellent and it messes with your mind on a whole new level. Everything looks amazing. The characters are quite interesting in their own ways. The moments before they all would awake one by one was incredibly intense. I was so excited when they all woke up alive on the plane. At least, if that is the truth, because the ending completely leaves the viewers confused about whether it was still a dream or reality. Absolutely an amazing movie and it is a shame that I did not see it earlier.

Books

• The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. 
  I had not read any books in a long time, so I wanted to start reading again. The book I started with was The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It was the best decision I made, because this book was amazing. It has romance, it has characters who are struggling with a disease, it has just so much that seems like you are experiencing someone's life, yet it is still fictional. I cried by the end of the book. This book is simply amazing, I just cannot put it into words. All I can say is: read this book!

Music

Now these are not necessarily 2013 artists and songs, but these are definitely artists and songs that I discovered throughout the year. There is a big chance I might actually forget several, but that is just me.

These are the artists and bands that I discovered throughout 2013: B.A.P, Bastille, Broken Anchor, Elenowen, Ellie Goulding, Empire of the Sun, Imagine Dragons, Lorde, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Marina and The Diamonds, The Naked And Famous,  ONE OK ROCK, Phoenix, The Pretty Reckless, Two Door Cinema Club, Vampire Weekend, Walk the Moon

These are the songs I listened to a lot during 2013:

• Roar by Katy Perry
• Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
• Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
• Can't Hold Us feat. Ray Dalton by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
• Burn by Ellie Goulding
• Pompeii by Bastille
• My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up) by Fall Out Boy
• Conquistador by 30 Seconds to Mars
• Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds
• Bruises feat. Ashley Monroe by Train
• Young Blood by The Naked And Famous
• Ain't It Fun by Paramore
• Still Into You by Paramore
• NO SCARED by ONE OK ROCK
• Ghosts 'n' Stuff by deadmau5
• Telephone (Alphabeat Remix Edit) feat. Beyoncé by Lady Gaga
• Burn my Dread by Yumi Kawamura
• Heart of Courage by Two Steps From Hell
• All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.
• Kings by Angela
• We Are Back (The S Remix) by The S, The Boomzers

Games

My favourite games of 2013! These are all games released in 2013. I will bold my most favourites out of my favourites.

• Persona 4 Arena (In Japan and North America it was released in 2012, but due to complications it was not released until May 2013 in Europe.)
• Pokemon XY
• The Last of Us
• The Walking Dead S2 Ep1
• Tomb Raider 2013
• Metal Gear Rising Revengeance 
• Persona 4 Golden (Also released in 2012 in Japan and North America, released in February 2013 in Europe.)
• Outlast
• Metro: Last Light
• Bioshock Infinite

Achievements

• Finding my first job. It was simply a job at the McDonalds, but it was still quite the achievement for me. I have never had a job before and I gained quite enough experience there.
• Proving to the people at university that I was motivated and that I was capable of passing this time. In 2011-2012 I did not pass the schoolyear, had to leave. I wanted to try again, but I had to prove that I am capable of passing and that I am still motivated. I proved this and I was allowed to return.
• Finding myself. Even though I still have a long way to go, I have found a part of myself that makes me comfortable with who I am and more confident in myself. Having two jobs and being allowed to return to university is a big part of this. Another part are the friends I have. 
• Passing two of the subjects that caused me to fail in 2012. Those two are "Knowledge of Country and Folk" and "Economics". The first one was quite easy. It was one of the subjects that was just embarrassing to fail back then. Economics on the other hand.. I find it so incredibly difficult. I was scared that I, for the third time, would have failed this exam. I failed it twice in 2011/2012.. This time I passed. In one go. I could not even believe it at first, but I really passed it. With quite the 'high grade'. A 7.9, which is a good mark in the Netherlands. For me, this was the biggest achievement in the year!

Memories

• Returning to university. It was so good to return there. Standing inside there really proved to me that I have received my second chance. It was so good to see my old classmates again and to catch up with them. 
• Memories I made with my classmates. This is the most enjoyable class I have ever been in in my entire life. They are all nice, they are all different, we can laugh a lot, we plan stuff, we do stuff, we help each other and a lot more. We became a very tight class quite quickly. We went to an all-you-can-eat Sushi restaurant, I went to see The Hunger Games: Catching Fire with some of them, we held a big gourmet party, we went out in our study's local irish pub. I met great people in that class and I am very fond of the memories I have made with them so far.
• Memories with all my friends. Even just the little moments matter to me a lot. I am very attached to my friendships. Whether these are memories I have by talking on the internet, meeting up in real life or just all kinds of activities. They matter to me.
• The happiness I felt when I passed everything in my first block period.

Other things

• Youtube. I already followed pyschadelicsnake, markiplier, pewdiepie, cutiepiemarzia, cryaotic and two other channels, that no longer exist, before 2013. In 2013 I discovered more let's players, but also vloggers. I am so hooked to the all the channels I follow. I followed a lot of vloggers from America, England and Australia. I followed other let's players that create fun content. Visiting Youtube and watching their new videos, is one of my favourite activities to do when I have free time. I can laugh with them, experience games that I cannot play, see challenges that are fun and just in general a lot of other things.

So another year has started which means a new start has begun as well! I used to have many blogs, but they died due to my inactivity. I wanted to have a fresh start with blogger. I want to record more of my daily life, whether I did or didn't do anything, whether it's 90% about school or free time activities. I want to write down my ups and downs. I want to write down good memories, so I can look back on them later on!

http://shiberri.blogspot.com/